Conflictive righteousness-an attempt to define the perplexing guilt

It’s a pleasant day, with sun brightly shining and the cool breeze blowing away the broken leaves on the road. Mr. Anindhya Roy stepping down from the steps of the high court .He stops and waits patiently for his driver to bring his new Accent from the parking His driver Mohan who belongs to Bihar is lean dark and fourth class pass, rushes the car from the parking and merely escaping the dog trying to find shelter beneath another car in the parking lot. Mr. Roy had a tough day. He had hearing of the court case of boy named Akhilesh who robbed and murdered the owner of the house along with his wife and his mentally handicapped son. The toughest part of the whole case was the death penalty to be given in the end. Mr. Roy was a judge for such kind of a case for the first time. He had never been through such kind of emotional turmoil ever before. He was feeling emotionally harassed and physically enervated. His car arrived and he sat inside. He was sweating a lot and told his driver to switch on the AC, but that couldn’t make him feel better. He took off his coat and threw at the corner of the seat. Mohan watched all his through the rear mirror. All through the way Mr. Roy didn’t pick any call on his mobile nor paid attention to the hourly news update on the radio, all he did was to look outside the window, watching the poor kids on the roadside playing; fighting who someday could turn into Akhilesh. When he reached home he kept himself confined inside the walls of his study and smoked while sitting on his chair watching the world outside through his window. His own words were struck inside his head which he spoke just few hours ago and will end somebody’s life in few days. He had started hating himself. He slept there in his chair with mind eroding event and also the memories of his son, Akhilesh. His son was a fine 21 year old young boy, adventures fun loving a regular college going guy with absolutely eye catching personality. His mother died due to old cancer when he was 15. Since then Mr. Roy had taken good care of him and been himself alone for 6 years. The freedom given by Mr. Roy took his life away and since that day everything in his life changed forever once again. Akhilesh died of taking excessive drugs at his friend’s birthday party who had turned 28. The drug caused his heart rate to increase tremendously and as he was mildly asthmatic, he died due to congestion. Next day as Mr. Roy woke up he decided to go and meet Akhilesh in the jail. As he arrived he saw Akhilesh mother and his younger sister were there to meet him too. He sat in the waiting room, next to the visiting room. The walls couldn’t stop the mourning sound of his old mother. His sister was too young to understand all this, so was standing holding the corner of her mothers torn sari and pulling it, the only way she could make unsuccessful efforts trying to stop her mother from crying and ad she did so tears ran out of her brown eyes down on her unclean cheeks, washing the dirt away. The tears leaving their trail mark behind. As these sounds enter Mr. Roy’s head, he again remembered his final judging statement. The constable in the visiting room shouted to the old woman and her daughter to hurry up and gave another last 5 minutes and nagged to himself cursing them for coming everyday. As they left the room constable requested Mr. Roy to go inside the visiting room. The respect made him feel even more vulnerable and pathetic.
Akhilesh lived in the small village called Mahakalipur in the Bihar and came to Delhi 5 years before when he was 18 in the search of the job which could fetch him some money. He started working in the tea stall and was given the name Seedu as he was very innocent and also slows at learning tea serving skills. Soon he shifted to a garage were he learned how to use tools efficiently and the newspaper seller on the red lights. He did his best to earn more and more money by changing to more paying jobs. He sent half of his money to his village through a shopkeeper who belonged to village next to his, whenever he went to see his sick mother. One year later Seedu’s father died of falling in to the deep pit dug for the well, as he was drunk. Also he came to know from the another young boy from his village who came to try his luck in the city as Seedu was doing for past one year that the shopkeeper hadn’t given any money to Seedu’s mother for past 4 months and kept half of the earlier amounts too. To take revenge Seedu blew up some crackers in the shopkeeper’s cloth shop. After this incidence he came to new area. He was in desperate need of any job and started selling water on the bus stop in ISBT. Sometimes he even lifted their bags to earn some extra money. He heard about stories of the passengers being given medicines mixed in the food by the other fellow passengers who then took their bags and ran. His poverty and harassment in the city made him to explore out new ways of making money. He started mixing such medicines in his water pouches and then offered the passengers the help to carry their bags who in greed of saving the collie’s money and their energy kept them on his shoulders. As the medicine took its effect he ran with his maximum speed and vanished while the passenger was taken by the spectators to the hospital and then to the police station. Soon he was a champion in his work and he loved it as it fetched him more money and was adventurous to him. He now took a jhughi on rent and brought his mother and sister to it. His mother thought this son works at a lock and key making factory. He grew in his career rapidly and became a thief. He now even had a girlfriend named Tania, who worked at the nearby beauty parlour. Mr. Roy walked in to the room and Seedu stood behind the fence. Seedu quickly wiped his tears and Mr. Roy pretended not watching them. He wished him with his folded hands Mr. Roy felt choked and couldn’t speak for few seconds. He cleared his throat and said sorry for the judgment. Seedu was astonished after seeing the non-egoistic behaviour which is connected inseparably to the Mr. Roy’s profession and statues. He pretended of asking about his family and his past which he already knew, as couldn’t speak out the guiltiness in this heart and of also the conflict between the righteous decision and the inhumane judgment. Mr. Roy came back from the jail to his house and again kept himself occupied with the thoughts in this chamber. May be there are no answers for the unspoken questions. Society forced Mr.Roy and Seedu to do the same act of killing. The difference being in the righteousness, duty and power associated with the judge’s judgment and eroding, impelling poverty and harassment with Seedu’s. Surprisingly both gifted by the society in which only one will survive in few days ,but may be new Seedu will or may have already taken birth in the same society preparing itself for the same future.

Hospitalised soul

As she walked in the room
darkness crawls in with her steps.
The coldness reaches every nerve,
The screams penetrates every heart.
heart wills to cry loud
but the tears too dry.
No exit for agony.
She sits in the corner
waiting for elixir of life.
The bleeding weaks her,
the nostalgia shatters her,
the agony disgusts her,
the threads are weary,
the breath is exhausted.
But only love could save her
but who could nurse her?
who could save her?
Till then she will stay
stay in the cold
stay in the dark
she will wait for arms
where her every sensation wills to die.